STATE OF EMERGENCY POST: NIGERIAN TERRORIST SIGHTING!!!!!

STATE OF EMERGENCY POST: NIGERIAN TERRORIST SIGHTING!!!!!

My dear American friends,

I know how this looks and i promise you that I have a perfect explanation for it. You know how that Fort Hood shooter is an A-Rab despite being a passport carrying American citizen in the Army?

It's totally the same thing here. You were never going to accuse yourselves of being terrorists. I mean, it like totally defeats the purpose. Y'getme?

One of them A-Rabs just happens to have a Nigerian passport. It's no big deal. We give teh gheys, Jews and even Azns passports. We are nice like that. I implore you to join us in our fight against this tyranny. You don't need to send troops to our country because we got this. You can play your little part by not strip searching us at airports.

Also, you should share some of the blame. You elected an A-Rab as president. Hussein might have planned this shit from Hawaii. You know how sneaky them A-Rabs are.

Kthxbai

PS: You know Nigerians are selifish bastards. There's no way a Nigerian would kill himself for a greater cause. We aren't built like that.

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You kidnapped a famous actor, now what?

You kidnapped a famous actor, now what?

Well, you ask for 10 million. Naira of course, we are trying to be reasonable here.

Am I wrong for thinking the kidnappers set their price too low?

Last time I checked, 10 mill couldn't buy you a Hummer and you know how high the Hummer pedestal is. Nothing says you hit the jackpot like buying that ugly gas guzzling piece of crap. I wonder what will happen when GM stops production.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah...kidnappings. Nigeria is like the new Mexico. It's funny how it went from "we are kidnapping there oyibos for a just cause" to "I'm broke so I'm going to jack the next person I see off the street".

I wonder if there'll be some "Man On Fire" type movie set in the country. I can just imagine it now...



Ahh...just perfect.

I'm going to sue if there's a Nollywood movie with this storyline because you know this was all my idea.

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